I decided i would be more open this time, which is extremely hard for me because i keep to myself in my personal life really. Except for a handful of best friends & my mom.
I’m at an age (ahem) where i feel like i should completely know what i want to be, what i want to do, whom I’d like to marry, etc etc. I must report that i don’t know, any of it. I am working so hard for where i want to be (and i have already come so far from where i was last year at this time) and what i would like to do but there is always that smidge of doubt that if not careful could totally consume you.
I think i don’t do well in a relationship because i am not a clingy person, i actually love my personal space. I wasn’t always like this but as I’ve grown and gotten to know myself, i find myself needing some free time. I feel like this song from Maren Morris speaks to me in that sense.
I have extremely bad social anxiety so parties, concerts, loud noises and events like that put me on edge. I will check out local bands but there is no guarantee i will stay until the last set is played and the gear is packed.
I love kids but i find myself questioning if i will have one. I dont think i could handle it emotionally or mentally, which makes me feel a little selfish. I’m a couple of months away from an age that scares me to conceive because of complications. Well that, and because the though of being pregnant absolutely terrifies me. So much so i was sweating typing that.
I think i told you all of that to tell you this – it is ok not to know. You don’t have to plan everything and it turn out right. You have permission to be a mess, to express your opinion, own your personal style. In reality the only person who has to understand you, is you. Some people go their entire lives just winging it. We get caught up in the competition with our family members, best friends, or co-workers that we forget it is human like to be you.
Now go out there and make today great!