I found a piece of myself a few days ago that caught me off guard. I’ve been working a lot lately so I’m tired, grumpy without coffee, and a little moody.
This is where I did something my normally bubbly self wouldn’t do, I snapped on someone. Before I knew it words came spewing from my mouth; I felt a little embarrassed but at the same time pleased with myself.
If you know me then you know I’m kind of like a timid puppy, scared of my surroundings, uncomfortable with confrontation. I’m an introvert but seems like I’m an extrovert because I try very very hard to keep my social anxiety hidden (I thought it was a good idea to take a job at the mall) so I can try to live a normal life.
After hours dealing with loud noises, snarky candle sniffers, and the urge to bite my nails down to my fingers I take at least 2 hours to simmer when I get home.
I don’t have any days off between the three jobs I am juggling. I think I have an alter ego (I’m naming her Nichole & I’m going to keep her) though, she came about the day she gave the overly pain in the ass lady a piece of my mind. I usually apologize after I say something rude or say nothing at all. I had left work and was pursing the mall which I am fairly new to (all 300 stores!) when I decided to pop into one of my favorite stores to indulge a little.
Having anxiety I don’t like to be touched and I am strange about my personal space, like for real if I can feel your breath on me – your too close!
To be fair I asked her to back up a little but she was blabbing away on her cellphone so I politely repeated myself but when she looked at me and shouted “I am on the phone here!” Out of nowhere I heard myself say “yes I see your on the phone, everyone hears your on the phone because we all hear your conversation! Your standing so close to me I feel your every word brushing the back of my neck” before I could say another word she stormed off. I don’t do that, I am a quiet, polite, people pleaser!
I did have at least 4 people tell me thank you that she was obnoxious and couldn’t seem to chew gum with her mouth closed.
I think I will hang onto Nichole for times I need a little more.. something.. she seems to get the job done effortlessly. When I called my mom she was as shocked as I was, I’m telling ya, that’s not me!
Do you have an alter ego? Just a little something that pops out now and again but gets things handled. I hope I’m not the only one! Haha.