I’m not one for New Year resolutions, I never have been. There will be no new year new me, however I will be doing a few things differently.
- Devise a plan & execute
- Become more aware of my surroundings
- Reflect on myself
- Take better care of my mental health
I am devising a plan for 2019, I’m hoping it to be my best year yet. I’m still trying to find my way career wise (which i feel like puts me behind), when I’m in an office all I can think about is being my own boss. This isn’t because I’m not happy with the bosses I have but because I have a passion and drive that I want to peruse and bring to life. I’m trying to put the pieces of the intricate puzzle together freestyle, I have no picture to compare it to so I am winging it more or less. I’ll be giving it more thought; which is very unusual of me, I’m usually already diving in head first.
I can’t pinpoint which it is, the fact that people are so rude or the news I see every afternoon. I am slowly losing hope in humanity and I’m considering becoming a cat. I watch way too many detective/murder shows to be off guard as much as I’ve let myself be while out mingling with the public. A bad habit I do have is scoping out the scenery to find objects that could be used as a weapon if need be (told ya, too many murder shows watched).
You’re probably going to laugh at me but until of late last year I hadn’t given any thought to reflections of myself. What happened was what happened and that was that, I didn’t dissect feelings or dwell on things. I internalize things, it’s what I do (which is why my screws are a little too tight. Pretty sure I’ll need major therapy if I dig up all the little tidbits, feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc I’ve buried in my years of rational thought).
Oh mental health, what a very tangled web you weave. Going back to devising a plan then the execution, I feel like my anxiety is the worst it’s been in the job field. I have control over what happens while I’m at home or out in public but when I’m working things get hectic then I panic. Over the years I’ve ignored the anxiety monster however now it’s grown from a tiny little creature into a massive angry monster. Oh, it’s picked up a friend along the way as well – welcome depression. Hey, the more the merrier right? Wrong! I’ll have great days then on a random Tuesday I’ll be so overly stimulated by anxiety before I hit my snooze button twice that I can’t bare the thought of crawling out from under the blankets. Days like that random Tuesday will take discipline but at least I could work from the confines of my blanket fort.
I know the universe has its very own plan for me and I’m truly excited to see it, whatever it maybe.
Then again I may wear a unicorn horned headband the entirety of 2019 and call it a success.